Can a Failing Marriage be Saved?

ann s:

March 7, 2010 at 8:16 pm

can you voice this to your wife?

she may feel the same way

i was there after 31 years I left

life is too short to not be happy
good luck
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Kitty Kat:

March 7, 2010 at 8:25 pm

Have you even tried just grabbing you woman and taking her to the bedroom and screwing her to death?

I am sorry but when men say "the spark has gone" usually means that the woman is not fulfilled either. You cannot just WAIT around for something to happen MAKE YOUR DESTINY!

Unless you are using this as a crutch and plan on cheating on your wife…

You MUST have had something in common at one point? Focus on that. seriously dude……
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Oh and ps, I am sure these women did not just walk up, you were putting the signal out buddy!

Shorty06:

March 7, 2010 at 8:37 pm

I beleive that because you have been married to her fo so long…sometimes the passion and love is forgotten about because of your busy lives. I honestly think you marriage can be saved. You have been with your wife for 19 years and have children right? You can save it if you want to save it. You may feel like this because of the lack of intimatcy. You should try to rekindle what is missing from your relationship. Don’t get all excited because one woman approached you and gave you her number, that’s only called temptation, and trust me if you go with it…you will regret it. Karma is a B@#%CH!! Good luck in reviving your marriage, you have a family it’s worthit! God Bless!!
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hoff_mom:

March 7, 2010 at 9:13 pm

Do this tonight. Write her a little note, as though she’s a stranger, saying that you’ve been admiring her from afar for a while. Invite her out and promise her a wild night of romance. Even if you don’t feel it now, just imagine her reaction. As much as you miss the passion, she probably misses it, too. One of you has to be the first to light the flame again. You still see her as a good person; you still clearly love her, even if it’s just the kind of love born out of familiarity. If you think that a new relationship will be effortless, then just remember how effortless this one felt, at the beginning. It’s worth the effort to save what you have. Make a point of courting her. When you see how she responds to your affection, you will begin to feel it then, even if you don’t now.
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tacota:

March 7, 2010 at 9:39 pm

It’s very possible, but both people have to want it.
I’m glad you haven’t cheated on her. It’s better to get yourself out of the frying pan before jumping into the fire!
If you’re not happy, then talk to her. If you get nowhere, then you may need to consider getting out of it, so you can go fan the flames somewhere else….but also use caution in this because if you go out there and leave her behind, she may not be willing to take you back, and you just might find out that the grass only LOOKS greener on the other side. The next person will have problems and hang ups too. Maybe the same, maybe different. Either way, stop making excuses about what your wife doesn’t do. Changes start with YOU. You change the way you act, and see if she doesn’t respond. You offer compliments and kindness, and see her soften.
Or…go do your thing…..but don’t try to have your cake and eat it too. That’s just wrong.
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thedrisin:

March 7, 2010 at 10:07 pm

You might want to check out this book:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. Very practical and down to earth, with exercises and and worksheets.

I do have to say that you don’t sound very enthusiastic. But don’t worry, many people feel the way you do. I would say… at this point, tell yourself that you will give yourself three (or six, or whatever) months to work on your marriage and if things haven’t improved, then you’ll think about divorce. But you have to work on things if you want them to improve. That means confronting your wife, and her confronting you. It might mean marriage counseling. This may be painful and uncomfortable, but marriages take work.

In the absence of abuse issues, I definitely feel that marriages can be saved. Many marriages goes through periods where the couple has drifted apart. However, it’s your decision as to how much work you want to put into it. You’re right – 44 is still young, and if you’re going to the gym, you’re probably an attractive guy. However, for the sake of the kids, at least why not give it a shot?
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Rosie:

March 7, 2010 at 10:53 pm

After NINETEEN LOOOOOOOOONG years of marriage, i do not think for a second that you both have nothing in common apart from your kids. i think you need to stop hanging out with those buddy’s of yours who have been involved in extra-marital relationships.

Since your wife keeps having pointless-meaningless conversations, why not start a conversation with her that you think is meaningful.

Take her out to dinners, formal functions, an unplanned vacation for just the two of you. Explain to your wife that the you still have those young genes sparkling inside, and that you want to do somethings that you normally do for fun.
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Mr. JW:

March 7, 2010 at 11:07 pm

Repeat after me. The vows still hold, the vows still hold.

Look, we all wish to be wanted, appreciated, found desirable, sexy. We all want to think that we can turn heads and we love to find out that we can from time to time.

Now, as far as I know, marriage vows dont just mean what they said, as long as you still feel a certain way or think a certain way, etc. You took each other as they are, so now is a bad time to consider the things that should have kept you apart. Infact, you and your wife have both allowed and or caused your marriage to become the way it is. Correct? That is upon each of you. If you and your wife will each actually do as your vows require and treat each other as your vows require, your marriage will be good. Maybe better then ever before.

Cheating is cheating, no matter what excuse you use and no matter how things have occured. God clearly says that the only reason we are to divorce is because our mate cheated.
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jwpoteet2:

March 7, 2010 at 11:35 pm

This is going to be very hard for you to hear. Please understand that I know where you are coming from, I’m not condemning you or judging you, but I do have the answer. The answer cannot be found in another woman. If you do that you will regret it forever. The only real answer can be found in finding passion in your marriage. So how? It will probably not happen overnight. It will take time and patience. The short answer is: Love your wife. I know you already do. This has to become more than just a feeling or a word. In every action and word towards her, you must show your love. To do this, you must understand what love is. I’m going to point you to the Bible. 1 Corinthians 13 is famous for its description of love. Among other things, it says that love, does not envy, is not boastful, is not proud, rude or self-seeking. Love puts up with anything, and always has hope. If you begin to love her with completely selfless love, your marriage will change. If you look at yourself honestly (and I know how hard that can be) you will see that you haven’t always loved in this way, that some of your problems are caused by you. I’m not saying that the lack of passion in your life is your fault and so you have to fix it, I’m saying that by doing this, the problem will be fixed. In the end, it really doesn’t matter who got your marriage to this point, only that you find the answer for real joy in your life that you share in a marriage.
One last thing I’d like to say. The kind of love that I’m talking about doesn’t depend on feelings. It is a choice, a decision made that nothing can change. This kind of love is mostly beyond our ability to manage. To really find love and passion in your life, you need to get to know the source of all love and that is God. He alone knows how to love completely and selflessly and He proved it when He died for us. Get to know Him and you will find the ability to truly love.
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For further help, I’d reccommend http://www.themarriagebed.com

joan_of_freakin_arc:

March 7, 2010 at 11:41 pm

before u decide to cheat, talk to your wife, suggest therapy tell her how u feel, communication is key right now. but u have to want to save it, what your saying is the honeymoon is over and u don’t feel the lust u once did, that’s pretty normal after many years of marriage. if u want to save your marriage u will do anything, so talk to her first, not in a defensive way but honest and see how she responds, at least give her a chance to change.
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kinkybootsno1:

March 7, 2010 at 11:56 pm

I have to wonder to myself after 19 years of marriage…..just how long has this been going on…….

When do you think you realised that there wasn’t anything left within your marriage?

I always think it’s such a shame when two people get married all full of the throws of love….nothing happens along the way to cause that couple to grow distant….like say an affair or whatever, yet somehow distant is what they grow……I know what it’s like when children come along….life kicks in & responsibility takes over, long working hours creep in & lack of sleep comes along with night after night of babies keeping you both from getting a good deep sleep……….
I think I’d be right in saying that both you & your wife are pretty much disalusioned with what you thought marriage would all be about, it’s not really the fault of anyone of you…..but it is the fault of you both that you both allowed such a beautiful thing that you once had to just wither & die.

Yes you could leave, yes you could take up the offer of the 2 women that approached you at the gym where you work out, but once you’ve done what you dream of doing, what then? would you just want to run around like a young stud or would you be interested in pursuing a long term relationship…..you need to think about what it is that you actually want here, because if it’s a long term relationship then have you thought about how you’d make the next one more of a success, have you thought about what caused your relationship with your wife to go sour? if you have, then you’re in with a chance of future success, if not, then you could find yourself living regrets & bouncing from one woman to the next…………..which is fine if that’s what rocks your boat….

I’m not sure from this post if you are looking for our approval or if you’re looking to save your marriage

If you want to save your marriage then you have a 50% chance…..you know who has the other 50%…..if you want to do what’s on your mind then no-one could blame you for that either I guess…..but I have to say just one thing honey

what a waste of 19 years…….
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The grass isn’t greener on the other side…..the grass is greener where it’s watered……

Capessa:

March 8, 2010 at 12:37 am

Your marriage can be save if you work at it! Look at this video on Capess.com about Monika and how she saved her marriage that was falling apart.
http://health.yahoo.com/topic/relationships/inspirational-stories/article/capessa/43_monikaz;_ylt=Aglmz9Kd2FCBgppGIJzYUrpat8UF
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Save Our Marriage Tips

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