Only time and your good deeds will win over your husband. You have a lot of proving to do and through your actions, you can win back your husbands trust. References :
You are a horrible person and you should accept the divorce and be on your way. No-one has the stomach to be married to an unfaithful whore after only what 4 months of marriage?
You are lucky he let you back in. It all seems very recent and I think you should keep your head down and stay in the back room until he makes the first move. References :
This does not sound healthy. Have some self respect. I understand that you hurt him. But he either needs to forgive you or not at all. He can’t put you on ‘probation’ in order to punish you, you aren’t animal that needs to be taught a ‘lesson. I don’t see the point in coming back at all if you aren’t even able to talk about the thing that could potentially tear your relationship apart. Maybe you don’t believe in therapy, but his solution of ‘probation’ is also a bunch of bs. References :
It will take years for your husband to trust you. He may forgive you, but he will never forget and every time he looks at you, he will know you preferred another man to him.
He won’t want to touch you for a couple of months or more. Try to force him and you may cause all the anger inside to explode. Let him be, and when he is ready, he will come to you.
Usually he will want to know why you prefer someone else to him, and will keep asking you about it until you tire of him being needy and you divorce him.
Good luck, and stick in there, not 1 man in 20 would give you a second chance. References :
He’s got the upper hand, and is punishing you like a child. He may not bring up the subject, but the trust is not there …. yet! See what happens after your one month scolding is over. References :
there isnt much you can save. Except some money to get your own place and get out of there. Get your dignity back some place else. Your husband will never truly forgive you nor forget. Nor will you. You are just torturing youself going back there. References :
you were unfaithful after 5 months?
you’re lucky he’s even talking to you
you’re going to have a lot of proving to do before he’ll, even remotely, trust you again.
and seducing him is not the way to go.
how old are you anyway? References :
Had you believed in therapy you could have worked on the issues that led you to cheat. You need therapy.
As for winning your husband back: don’t try to seduce him. He is making you sleep there partly as punishment. Take your punishment. Just do exactly as he says for this month and then try and work on making things work out. I know he doesn’t want to mention the affair. But most affairs have nothing to do with sex. They are more like something is missing in the marriage. You need to at least talk about that, to fix what was wrong with the marriage that left it vulnerable to adultery.
And don’t ever sleep with anyone but your husband again… especially his friends. References :
You are ever so lucky he even lays eyes on you and you have some nerve thinking that nothing should change and he needs to act and feel like your mistake was on the level of dropping hot coffee on his lap. Would you be able to cope if he wanted to even up the score by having one fling so you can feel the same pain? I have a feeling too that you had more than one fling and it will not be your last. The vows were still fresh off your lips and your lips wandered elsewhere! You must have the bomb pussy to get him back References :
All right, I guess I will be the bad guy and tell you the truth – you did not have an affair – your marriage had a significant failure and that means both you and he failed. Yes, you were the one cheating BUT no one cheats when their marriage is good and their love is alive and well. The fact that you were unfaithful after only 5 months makes me think that this is not much of a marriage to begin with.
The old marriage died when you cheated. Only a new and better relationship can rebuild the trust so needed in a marriage relationship. You both must build a new marriage together and I do not see him invested as a partner in any way, shape, or form. Probation? Give me a break – this is not marriage between equal partners – it is a child and parent. If this is all you and he can come up with then divorce now. It take two to build a marriage and two to fail at one. He needs to get off his high horse and face that fact the he did not make you feel so loved and so fulfilled that you sought another man after only 5 months – what a complete loser!
I am sorry – while I admire your desire to salvage your marriage if he is not a partner is saving it and if both of you do not understand that the old marriage cannot be gone back into and only a new and much better marriage can save you two – then it is truly hopeless. References : My wife had an affair after 7 years and I came to see it was because I ignored her and worked making money. We built a new and much better marriage and are still together after some 22 years!
Do not initiate sex – when he’s ready he’ll let you know.
If you really want to stay in this marriage you have to realize it will never go "back to normal" you have forever changed it and you have forever changed your husband. You have to ask yourself if you can live with him always wondering where you are and who you’re with – his trusting you is over for a very long time – not days, weeks, or months, but literally years. Can you live like this?
If you can live like this then you must always tell the truth, never cheat again, never talk with the man you cheated with, and tell your husband where you’re going, who you’ll be with, and when you’ll be home. It’s going to be a very long time before he’s comfortable with you again. Can you live like this?
If you two are going to try to work this out then he must agree that he too will never use this mistake against you when future arguments come up. This is not fair fighting and he can’t hold this over your head for the rest of your marriage – that just won’t work. Tell him you realize it will take a very long time to find a new normal relationship for the two of you and you are willing to put in the time and effort to make it work.
Lots of prayer. Unfortunately, you have been blacklisted by your husband for an undetermined amount of time. Your marriage may never be the same again, but you’ll see what God can do if you believe He can fix it. Ask Him for forgiveness and keep moving in the right direction. References :
You should not have done cheating to your husband. Which person is important for you. Your husband or that guy. If your husband had forgiven you it is godly that is what I should say. References :
Wow, some people really don’t believe in their partners, because marriage is about working through difficulties, not giving up with things get tough. I think the first thing you should do is take a break to decide what you really want. It seems like three days is way too soon to look at this productively. There’s too much hurt right now that need a while to wear off. That being said, it’s not impossible. But, it’s not fair for him to put you on probation either. Or sleep in the back pantry. That’s really, truly messed up. And you can’t seduce this issue back to normal.
You guys need to talk about this. He’s hurt, but ignoring it isn’t going to fix his heartbreak or your marriage. Why would you cheat? Are you unhappy in the short time you’ve been married? Maybe you’re not adjusting to your new life? Or maybe it’s just not what you expected?
Just from his reaction, I don’t think you should stay with him because that sounds like an abusive tendency, making strict rules that fallow time limits versus actual feelings. From the sounds of it, you seem to be scrambling to win him back out of desperation. It’d be better now to figure out what you want now, than in a few years to discover you don’t really love him at all or this was a mistake. References :
Take it from somebody who has been cheated on. If you want to get back in then you have to deal with his terms.You violated your vows and his trust. He has to get back that he can trust you again. Your relationship will never be the same no matter what however if you show that you can be trusted then he can get over it in time. Understand this is not gonna get better over night so shut up complaining and do what the man asks.He is not being unreasonable in this situation. If you cant deal with it again shut up complaining and leave him be. I know you said that you don’t want counseling but you really need to get to the bottom of why you did this. If that is not addressed then it is pointless to go on. You may want to write each other letters. This eliminates the out burst and saying what you don’t mean. Everybody makes mistakes but how you handle the mistake is what is important. References :
I have news for you; you’re going to be "on probation" as you put it, for much, much, MUCH longer than one month. Trust is not something easily regained, once lost. Sometimes it never can be. I’m not a big believer in therapy either, as I’m of the opinion if you and your significant other can’t figure things out on your own, perhaps you should go your separate ways. However your husband’s wish to never mention it again is not going to work. You two need to talk this one out. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Why did your marriage "break down" after only five months? Lack of communication is usually the biggest culprit. Have you yourself thought about why having a fling seemed like the answer to your problems? If you don’t know why you did what you did, how is your husband supposed to understand? If you truly want to reconcile your marriage, you need to understand that your husband has had his trust in you destroyed by your thoughtless actions. If you want to gain his trust back you have to be completely, utterly and thoroughly transparent to him in all facets of your life. ie. no secret texting, e-mails, phone calls, lunches with "friends", etc. You better be damned sure he knows where you are 24/7. And you two need to talk about what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how to prevent it from happening again. (and your messing up does not give him a get out of jail free card to do the same…as they say two wrongs don’t make a right…) It will take months, perhaps years to regain his trust. It can be done, but it won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. And the idea of seducing him isn’t a great one in my opinion. Things in the bedroom won’t be normal for a while either. (I doubt they were leading up to the "incident"…but presumably if you’ve only been married 5 months or so they must have been at some point in the recent past…) If I were your husband I’d be thinking I’d made a huge mistake in marrying you. What could possibly have gone so wrong 5 months in to your marriage that sleeping with another guy seemed like a good idea? I’d be seriously questioning your commitment to the relationship. You’re going to have to work very hard to get back his trust, and even then it may not happen. Good luck. Again, it can be done. But it won’t be easy. References : BTDT
Ok, first of all let me start by saying I have no respect for you at all. You cheat on a husband? Do you not have any concept of marriage? 5 months? Just 5 months ago was the day you probably claimed was the happiest in your life.. People like you should not get married in the first place because to you it is only a legal document..
But anyway to answer your question, do NOT try to seduce him tomorrow. Right now he has realized what kind of woman you really are, and he is strongly considering that divorce. The image you want to try to put forth now is one of a house wife, not a skank. Instead of trying to seduce him try making something good for dinner, show him that you can be wife material. If you try to sleep with him he might go for it but then again the image of you sleeping with another man might enter his head and he may get real angry and push you away, so my advice is best avoid that.
He is obviously not going to say much to you at all for a few days, you are actually surprised by this? Allow him time to cool off. Try making some small talk like how his day was etc, if he is in the mood he will respond. If not, stay silent. But stay in the picture.. as in dont go lock yourself in your room all the time .. coz thats when his mind will start workign on all the negative stuff again.. The last thing you want to do is pick up the phone and have long conversations with girlfriends, or go out and party with them and stuff, coz then he will think you are already out having fun when your marriage is in shambles..
As for apologizing, you will need to do more of it. However maybe verbally apologizing might lead to more confrontation, one of the things you should consider is writing out an apology on paper and writing how much you love him and care for him and putting it in a place he will find and read it. People tend to read things thru, whereas in verbal conversation he might just block off his ears and not really listen to you. Also this way you talk about the subject since it has to be talked about one time before it is closed. But yeah, he wants to hear apologizies for a while, he wants you to work for it.. and some begging will help whether you like it or not. Someone else posted that "you are not an animal that can be taught a lesson". That is the statemetn of a feminist who does not understand you are trying to save your marriage. You need to work hard to make things right.
As for the reporting to him for the month, Id recommend sticking to it. After a few days of doing it you might get annoyed having to answer all his questions etc, but quite frankly he has no reason to trust you. He may have laid down 1 month stipulation, but it will likely continue a lot longer than that. And this is something he will stand by… the moment you don’t refuse to tell him where you’ve been he will assume the worst … and considering he has already got divorce papers ready he is dead serious.
Understand that life will not go back to normal for a few months… You lost the right to a normal marriage life when you cheated on your husband and you will have to work to get things back the way they were.. You need to stay away from that younger guy you slept with, and away from guys in general because it will make him suspicious, and also because you know you cant control yourself.
Finally realize that he has already taken a big step by letting you back in the house.. that means a part of him is attached to you and having a hard time letting you go.. I cant even imagine taking back a gf who cheats, leave alone a wife… so clearly he is giving you a second chance to save your marriage References :
You slipped up and fell on another man’s di_k? Are you serious? Why did you get married? A marriage does not go sour after five months. Are you like 12? I am a woman and I would have divorced your behind for being so darn stupid. You slipped up? OMG. Get a life. References :
toss to the curb
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do you mean reconcile? or recycle. you are funny.
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bull and scam? your the bull and scam,,, now your the victim? get over yourself
References :
Only time and your good deeds will win over your husband. You have a lot of proving to do and through your actions, you can win back your husbands trust.
References :
You cheated after 5 months? You will experience everything you deserve. Sorry for your husband.
References :
You are a horrible person and you should accept the divorce and be on your way. No-one has the stomach to be married to an unfaithful whore after only what 4 months of marriage?
Just pack your bags and go.
References :
You are lucky he let you back in. It all seems very recent and I think you should keep your head down and stay in the back room until he makes the first move.
References :
This does not sound healthy. Have some self respect. I understand that you hurt him. But he either needs to forgive you or not at all. He can’t put you on ‘probation’ in order to punish you, you aren’t animal that needs to be taught a ‘lesson. I don’t see the point in coming back at all if you aren’t even able to talk about the thing that could potentially tear your relationship apart. Maybe you don’t believe in therapy, but his solution of ‘probation’ is also a bunch of bs.
References :
It will take years for your husband to trust you. He may forgive you, but he will never forget and every time he looks at you, he will know you preferred another man to him.
He won’t want to touch you for a couple of months or more. Try to force him and you may cause all the anger inside to explode. Let him be, and when he is ready, he will come to you.
Usually he will want to know why you prefer someone else to him, and will keep asking you about it until you tire of him being needy and you divorce him.
Good luck, and stick in there, not 1 man in 20 would give you a second chance.
References :
He’s got the upper hand, and is punishing you like a child. He may not bring up the subject, but the trust is not there …. yet! See what happens after your one month scolding is over.
References :
there isnt much you can save. Except some money to get your own place and get out of there. Get your dignity back some place else. Your husband will never truly forgive you nor forget. Nor will you. You are just torturing youself going back there.
References :
you were unfaithful after 5 months?
you’re lucky he’s even talking to you
you’re going to have a lot of proving to do before he’ll, even remotely, trust you again.
and seducing him is not the way to go.
how old are you anyway?
References :
Had you believed in therapy you could have worked on the issues that led you to cheat. You need therapy.
As for winning your husband back: don’t try to seduce him. He is making you sleep there partly as punishment. Take your punishment. Just do exactly as he says for this month and then try and work on making things work out. I know he doesn’t want to mention the affair. But most affairs have nothing to do with sex. They are more like something is missing in the marriage. You need to at least talk about that, to fix what was wrong with the marriage that left it vulnerable to adultery.
And don’t ever sleep with anyone but your husband again… especially his friends.
References :
You are ever so lucky he even lays eyes on you and you have some nerve thinking that nothing should change and he needs to act and feel like your mistake was on the level of dropping hot coffee on his lap. Would you be able to cope if he wanted to even up the score by having one fling so you can feel the same pain? I have a feeling too that you had more than one fling and it will not be your last. The vows were still fresh off your lips and your lips wandered elsewhere! You must have the bomb pussy to get him back
References :
be normal and win his trust.
time is a great healer.
References :
All right, I guess I will be the bad guy and tell you the truth – you did not have an affair – your marriage had a significant failure and that means both you and he failed. Yes, you were the one cheating BUT no one cheats when their marriage is good and their love is alive and well. The fact that you were unfaithful after only 5 months makes me think that this is not much of a marriage to begin with.
The old marriage died when you cheated. Only a new and better relationship can rebuild the trust so needed in a marriage relationship. You both must build a new marriage together and I do not see him invested as a partner in any way, shape, or form. Probation? Give me a break – this is not marriage between equal partners – it is a child and parent. If this is all you and he can come up with then divorce now. It take two to build a marriage and two to fail at one. He needs to get off his high horse and face that fact the he did not make you feel so loved and so fulfilled that you sought another man after only 5 months – what a complete loser!
I am sorry – while I admire your desire to salvage your marriage if he is not a partner is saving it and if both of you do not understand that the old marriage cannot be gone back into and only a new and much better marriage can save you two – then it is truly hopeless.
References :
My wife had an affair after 7 years and I came to see it was because I ignored her and worked making money. We built a new and much better marriage and are still together after some 22 years!
Do not initiate sex – when he’s ready he’ll let you know.
If you really want to stay in this marriage you have to realize it will never go "back to normal" you have forever changed it and you have forever changed your husband. You have to ask yourself if you can live with him always wondering where you are and who you’re with – his trusting you is over for a very long time – not days, weeks, or months, but literally years. Can you live like this?
If you can live like this then you must always tell the truth, never cheat again, never talk with the man you cheated with, and tell your husband where you’re going, who you’ll be with, and when you’ll be home. It’s going to be a very long time before he’s comfortable with you again. Can you live like this?
If you two are going to try to work this out then he must agree that he too will never use this mistake against you when future arguments come up. This is not fair fighting and he can’t hold this over your head for the rest of your marriage – that just won’t work. Tell him you realize it will take a very long time to find a new normal relationship for the two of you and you are willing to put in the time and effort to make it work.
Good Luck!
References :
Lots of prayer. Unfortunately, you have been blacklisted by your husband for an undetermined amount of time. Your marriage may never be the same again, but you’ll see what God can do if you believe He can fix it. Ask Him for forgiveness and keep moving in the right direction.
References :
You should not have done cheating to your husband. Which person is important for you. Your husband or that guy. If your husband had forgiven you it is godly that is what I should say.
References :
Wow, some people really don’t believe in their partners, because marriage is about working through difficulties, not giving up with things get tough. I think the first thing you should do is take a break to decide what you really want. It seems like three days is way too soon to look at this productively. There’s too much hurt right now that need a while to wear off. That being said, it’s not impossible. But, it’s not fair for him to put you on probation either. Or sleep in the back pantry. That’s really, truly messed up. And you can’t seduce this issue back to normal.
You guys need to talk about this. He’s hurt, but ignoring it isn’t going to fix his heartbreak or your marriage. Why would you cheat? Are you unhappy in the short time you’ve been married? Maybe you’re not adjusting to your new life? Or maybe it’s just not what you expected?
Just from his reaction, I don’t think you should stay with him because that sounds like an abusive tendency, making strict rules that fallow time limits versus actual feelings. From the sounds of it, you seem to be scrambling to win him back out of desperation. It’d be better now to figure out what you want now, than in a few years to discover you don’t really love him at all or this was a mistake.
References :
These are the consequences you have to pay for infedility.Pay your time and give dear ole hubby time.
References :
Take it from somebody who has been cheated on. If you want to get back in then you have to deal with his terms.You violated your vows and his trust. He has to get back that he can trust you again. Your relationship will never be the same no matter what however if you show that you can be trusted then he can get over it in time. Understand this is not gonna get better over night so shut up complaining and do what the man asks.He is not being unreasonable in this situation. If you cant deal with it again shut up complaining and leave him be. I know you said that you don’t want counseling but you really need to get to the bottom of why you did this. If that is not addressed then it is pointless to go on. You may want to write each other letters. This eliminates the out burst and saying what you don’t mean. Everybody makes mistakes but how you handle the mistake is what is important.
References :
I have news for you; you’re going to be "on probation" as you put it, for much, much, MUCH longer than one month. Trust is not something easily regained, once lost. Sometimes it never can be. I’m not a big believer in therapy either, as I’m of the opinion if you and your significant other can’t figure things out on your own, perhaps you should go your separate ways. However your husband’s wish to never mention it again is not going to work. You two need to talk this one out. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Why did your marriage "break down" after only five months? Lack of communication is usually the biggest culprit. Have you yourself thought about why having a fling seemed like the answer to your problems? If you don’t know why you did what you did, how is your husband supposed to understand? If you truly want to reconcile your marriage, you need to understand that your husband has had his trust in you destroyed by your thoughtless actions. If you want to gain his trust back you have to be completely, utterly and thoroughly transparent to him in all facets of your life. ie. no secret texting, e-mails, phone calls, lunches with "friends", etc. You better be damned sure he knows where you are 24/7. And you two need to talk about what went wrong, why it went wrong, and how to prevent it from happening again. (and your messing up does not give him a get out of jail free card to do the same…as they say two wrongs don’t make a right…) It will take months, perhaps years to regain his trust. It can be done, but it won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. And the idea of seducing him isn’t a great one in my opinion. Things in the bedroom won’t be normal for a while either. (I doubt they were leading up to the "incident"…but presumably if you’ve only been married 5 months or so they must have been at some point in the recent past…) If I were your husband I’d be thinking I’d made a huge mistake in marrying you. What could possibly have gone so wrong 5 months in to your marriage that sleeping with another guy seemed like a good idea? I’d be seriously questioning your commitment to the relationship. You’re going to have to work very hard to get back his trust, and even then it may not happen. Good luck. Again, it can be done. But it won’t be easy.
References :
BTDT
Ok, first of all let me start by saying I have no respect for you at all. You cheat on a husband? Do you not have any concept of marriage? 5 months? Just 5 months ago was the day you probably claimed was the happiest in your life.. People like you should not get married in the first place because to you it is only a legal document..
But anyway to answer your question, do NOT try to seduce him tomorrow. Right now he has realized what kind of woman you really are, and he is strongly considering that divorce. The image you want to try to put forth now is one of a house wife, not a skank. Instead of trying to seduce him try making something good for dinner, show him that you can be wife material. If you try to sleep with him he might go for it but then again the image of you sleeping with another man might enter his head and he may get real angry and push you away, so my advice is best avoid that.
He is obviously not going to say much to you at all for a few days, you are actually surprised by this? Allow him time to cool off. Try making some small talk like how his day was etc, if he is in the mood he will respond. If not, stay silent. But stay in the picture.. as in dont go lock yourself in your room all the time .. coz thats when his mind will start workign on all the negative stuff again.. The last thing you want to do is pick up the phone and have long conversations with girlfriends, or go out and party with them and stuff, coz then he will think you are already out having fun when your marriage is in shambles..
As for apologizing, you will need to do more of it. However maybe verbally apologizing might lead to more confrontation, one of the things you should consider is writing out an apology on paper and writing how much you love him and care for him and putting it in a place he will find and read it. People tend to read things thru, whereas in verbal conversation he might just block off his ears and not really listen to you. Also this way you talk about the subject since it has to be talked about one time before it is closed. But yeah, he wants to hear apologizies for a while, he wants you to work for it.. and some begging will help whether you like it or not. Someone else posted that "you are not an animal that can be taught a lesson". That is the statemetn of a feminist who does not understand you are trying to save your marriage. You need to work hard to make things right.
As for the reporting to him for the month, Id recommend sticking to it. After a few days of doing it you might get annoyed having to answer all his questions etc, but quite frankly he has no reason to trust you. He may have laid down 1 month stipulation, but it will likely continue a lot longer than that. And this is something he will stand by… the moment you don’t refuse to tell him where you’ve been he will assume the worst … and considering he has already got divorce papers ready he is dead serious.
Understand that life will not go back to normal for a few months… You lost the right to a normal marriage life when you cheated on your husband and you will have to work to get things back the way they were.. You need to stay away from that younger guy you slept with, and away from guys in general because it will make him suspicious, and also because you know you cant control yourself.
Finally realize that he has already taken a big step by letting you back in the house.. that means a part of him is attached to you and having a hard time letting you go.. I cant even imagine taking back a gf who cheats, leave alone a wife… so clearly he is giving you a second chance to save your marriage
References :
You slipped up and fell on another man’s di_k? Are you serious? Why did you get married? A marriage does not go sour after five months. Are you like 12? I am a woman and I would have divorced your behind for being so darn stupid. You slipped up? OMG. Get a life.
References :